They announced the breakthrough at a fevered press conference, the CEOs of fossil fuel multi-nationals and major tech corporations rotating on and off stage to an audience of billions, beneath a vast display announcing: “The Cure for Climate Change”

“No longer will we be at risk of rising temperatures or sea levels,” said the richest man in the world.

“No more electric cars, no more guilt, no more compromises!” declared a white guy in a smart-casual suit.

“Spectral energy,” declared one CEO, once the livestreams were over.

“I never thought vengeful spirits would provide a concrete, actionable business opportunity,” said another, “but here we are.”

“Everyone knows that ghosts lower the ambient temperature of their immediate surroundings,” said a spokesperson for the Intangible Solutions Foundation. “A chill in the air, a shiver up your spine. The challenge is that there aren’t enough ghosts!”

“We’re not monsters,” the richest man in the world laughed, being devoured by a late-night show sofa, “we’re not going to proactively create millions more vengeful spirits! We all agreed the optics of that plan were suboptimal, so we went back to R&D and they found an alternative solution.

“It’s a transdimensional climate reduction transfer window, but the fellas at R&D just call it a Hell Portal. Instant access to more ghosts than you could ever need!”

“Economists will refer to the last thirty years as the Slow Period,” he said.

“Excessive consumption is a great driver of the economy, and if warming ever becomes a problem again, we just widen the portal.” He snapped his fingers. “More ghosts!”

Enquiries about the risks of filling the world with angry ghosts were met solely with a pre-prepared press release on the potential of household spectre-repulsion technologies as a major profit-driver for the next decade.